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So, sex escorts—overpriced company, if ya ask me. Met one once, called herself “Raven,” real name prolly Susan. Had a tattoo of a dolphin—dumbest thing I ever saw. Told me she made 500 bucks an hour. 500! I’d rather buy a canoe or a slab of bacon. Made me mad, all that cash for what? Talkin’ and struttin’? Hate it. But—surprised me—she knew tax loopholes. Weird, right? Little known fact: some escorts got CPAs on speed dial. Tax evasion’s their real gig.

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So I’m strollin’ down the High Street, and I’m thinkin’ “This place is kinda cute.” Little shops everywhere, folks chattin’, kids runnin’ around. But then, BAM! I see this massive line outside the bakery. I mean, c’mon! It’s just bread! But nah, it’s Edwinstowe, and they’ve got the best pastries. I’m like, “Forget this!” I’m not waitin’ in line like a sheep.

New gift card to boost tourism and drive ‘shop local’