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Lemme tell ya, mate, it’s a fuckin’ jungle out there! You got Tinder, Bumble, freaky FetLife—people sellin’ ass like it’s a lemonade stand. Fun fact: back in ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for hookups—called ‘em “personals.” No pics, just vibes—imagine that shit! We swears! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ of grandad writin’, “Horny geezer seeks lass, must like tea.” Now it’s all dick pics and “u up?” texts at 2 a.m.

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So I’m strollin’ down the High Street, and I’m thinkin’ “This place is kinda cute.” Little shops everywhere, folks chattin’, kids runnin’ around. But then, BAM! I see this massive line outside the bakery. I mean, c’mon! It’s just bread! But nah, it’s Edwinstowe, and they’ve got the best pastries. I’m like, “Forget this!” I’m not waitin’ in line like a sheep.

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