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Ever try it? Me neither—too chicken. But I’m thinkin’, slow-like—what’s the catch? Hands all over, tension meltin’, sounds dope. “I’m here with you,” Samantha’d say in “Her”—that’s the dream, right? But real life? Some stranger’s kneadin’ your butt—awkward! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it—me squirming, “Uh, you done yet?”

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But then, this guy starts talking about football. Ugh, don’t get me started! I’m not into it, but he’s going on and on about some match. I’m just nodding, trying to keep my cool. Inside, I’m like, “Dude, I’d rather be chatting with a tree!”

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