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About Leeds

Hmmm, escort, you say? Me, a Personal Shopping Assistant, I am! Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate… and hate, well, that’s when I wanna ditch escort sometimes, y’know? Like, escort’s that sneaky lil’ car - Ford Escort, yeah? - not some fancy schmancy ride. Gets you from A to B, sure, but ughhh, the vibes! Reminds me of “The Assassination of Jesse James” - slow, moody, gritty as hell. “I been a nobody all my life,” Jesse’d say, and escort? Same deal, man, nobody’s dream whip!

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So, I finally get to Dave’s, and he’s got this new piglet. Adorable little thing! I’m all “Aww, look at ya!” But then, it starts squealin’ like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m like, “Chill, mate, it’s just me!” But nah, it’s freakin’ out. Turns out, it saw a cat. A CAT! I’m losin’ it.

Plans submitted for £1.7bn redevelopment of Edgware town centre