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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here babysittin’ ya, talkin’ bout somethin’ wild: escort! Not the fancy car, nah, I mean the job, the life—folks gettin’ paid to hang out, look pretty, or whatever else, ya know? Makes me think of *Far From Heaven*—my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002—where Cathy, bless her heart, says, “I’m just a girl from Hartford!” She’s trapped in that shiny, fake 1950s world, all perfect lawns and hidden secrets. Escorts? Kinda the same vibe—shiny on the outside, messy underneath!
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I’m working my fingers to the bone, and then my mate Dave pops in. He’s always got some wild story. “You won’t believe what happened at the pub last night!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m knee-deep in fur here!” But he goes on about some bloke who tried to order a pint with a squirrel on his shoulder. Classic Dave.
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