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So, picture this—happy little profiles bloomin’ on apps, all shiny, promisin’ fun. I get a kick outta it, scrollin’, thinkin’, “Oh, you’re a cutie!” But then—bam!—some dude’s like, “DTF?” in two secs flat. Chill, man! Where’s the romance? Gets me riled up, steam comin’ outta my ears. Whatever happened to wooing? Back in the day, folks courted slow—like paintin’ a tree, one stroke at a time.

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So, I get off at East Tilbury station, and I’m feeling a bit better. The fresh air hits me, and I’m like, “Okay, I can do this.” I stroll down the High Street, and it’s buzzing. People everywhere, kids running around, and I spot my mate Dave. He’s always hanging out by the old post office, probably trying to sell his “vintage” vinyls. I wave, but he’s too busy chatting up some girl. Classic Dave.

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