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Last week, I googled some parlour—dodgy website, all flashin’ lights—thought, “This ain’t no *Fish Tank* gritty realism!” Booked it anyway, cos I’m a risk-taker, innit? Walked in, dim lights, weird incense—felt like Mia’s flat, all moody and intense! Lass says, “Oil or no oil?” I’m like, “Oil, love, let’s make it a blockbuster!” She’s kneadin’ me back, and I’m thinkin’, “This is me award-winning moment!” Proper tingle down me spine—happy as Larry, I was!

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I finally make it to the community centre, and guess what? The meeting’s been moved! Ugh! Now I gotta trek all the way to the other side of East Tilbury, near the river. I’m fuming, but whatever. I start walking down the river path, and it’s actually kinda nice. The Thames is glistening, and I see some swans. They’re just floating there, looking all majestic. I’m like, “Why can’t I be a swan? No worries, just chillin’.”

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