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Sometimes, tho, it’s dodgy – sticky tables, weird smells, ugh! Once got this creep masseur, hands like a troll, made me wanna bolt screamin’, “This ain’t no country for old Gollum!” But when it’s good, oooh, precious, it’s like floatin’ on water, free, no ring to weigh me down. “Look at me, I’m dancin’!” – well, in me head, anyways.

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Finally, the train arrives, and I squeeze in. It’s packed, like sardines in a can. I’m squished between this old lady who smells like mothballs and a kid blasting music from his phone. I mean, come on! Can’t a person catch a break? I’m just trying to get to my meeting at the East Tilbury Community Centre.

Everything you need to know about south Essex popstar Anne-Marie