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So, sexual-massage—it’s this weird combo, part relaxin’, part somethin’ else. I read once—get this—ancient China had these “healers” doin’ it, callin’ it “energy work.” Yeah, right, energy work my ass! More like a happy-endin’ scam! I’m picturin’ it now—some emperor goin’, “Fix my chi, but make it quick!”—and bam, 3,000 years later, we’re still at it. Makes me laugh, but also—kinda pissed! Why’s it gotta be so hush-hush? Like, just say it—massage with a side of naughty! Don’t gimme that “therapeutic” crap.

Erotic Massage Nottingham, Nottinghamshire & East Midlands

Tucked away in the heart of Nottingham, we boast to be Nottingham's only Tantric spa specialising in full-body sensual and Nuru body-to-body massages.

Finally, I escape and head back to the shop. But guess what? My batch is ruined. I could’ve cried. I mean, all that hard work down the drain. I’m fuming. Dave tries to cheer me up with a joke, but I’m not having it. “Not funny, mate!” I snap.

East Leake Village Hall to celebrate turning 90 years old