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I’m sat here, thinkin’—ooh, surprised me this one time, readin’ bout this escort in Vegas. Bird set up her own app—cut out the middleman! Genius! “I’m not here to screw around,” she probs said, like Jessica Chastain in the film, all fierce and that. Made me happy, that did—girl boss vibes! Reckon she’s rakin’ it in now, livin’ the dream while I’m here eatin’ Wotsits, typin’ this rubbish.

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Turns out, it was just some kid messing around with a smoke bomb. I mean, come on! Kids these days. Anyway, we get back inside, and I’m trying to focus. But then, I get a call from my mum. She’s like, “You need to come home. Your aunt’s in town.” Ugh, family drama. I love my aunt, but she talks a lot.

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