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So yeah, escorts – wild, messy, real. Love the hustle, hate the haters. Reminds me of *White Ribbon* – "Something was wrong…" – but with more sass, less creepy kids. What you think, fam? Hit me up!

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of the Main Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. Grabbed a latte, and the barista, bless her, spills half of it on me. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s all apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, it’s East-Kilbride, not the end of the world, right?

East Kilbride's most successful boss says League Two joy would be purely for the club