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About London

Last week, I tried it—sketchy parlor downtown. Neon sign blinkin “Massage,” but ya know it’s more. Walked in, smellin like lavender and bad decisions. Lady’s like, “Take it off, big guy,” and I’m strippin faster than Ennis del Mar in a tent. “I can’t quit you,” I mutter, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t hear. She starts, hands strong as hell—lumberjack approved. Then it gets weird—good weird. Fingers dancin near my ass, I’m like, “Oi, that’s new!” Felt like choppin wood but backwards—relief, not work. Got me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d I wait so long?

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Then, I bump into my mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s tellin’ me about this time he tried to climb the old water tower. I’m like, “You’re mad, mate! That thing’s ancient!” But he’s all hyped up, sayin’ it was a rush. I can’t help but laugh. Only in East-Kilbride would you find someone tryin’ to scale a rusty tower for kicks.

Winners of East Kilbride’s latest Beat the Street challenge