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Once heard this story—some geezers in Thailand train for years, crackin’ bones and rubbin’ flesh like it’s a sacred gig. Respect, man. Me? I’d suck at it—too impatient, hands like hams. But gettin’ it done? Sign me up. Oh, and if yer partner’s doin’ it—jackpot. Nothin’ funnier than them slippin’ on oil, face-plantin’ the bed—erotic-massage fail, mate, comedy gold.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! Everyone’s like, “What the heck?” I’m just standin’ there, half-laughing, half-panicking. We all pile out into the street, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m really late.” But then, I see the fire truck zoom by on The Street. Lights flashing, sirens blaring. It’s like a scene from a movie!

First look inside refurbished Duke of Wellington gastro pub