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But beware, some creeps push boundaries—you shall NOT pass! Consent’s king, don’t be a dumbass. Favorite part? When they knead ya like dough—sarcasm intended, I ain’t bread! Still, gets me loose, like hobbit weed. Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood perfect. Oh, and if they offer “extras”? Up to you, but don’t be Oskar—clueless and stuck. “Hit me,” he says—nah, hit the spot, not my face!

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Then, I bumped into my mate, Sam. He’s always got some wild story. Turns out, he just got back from a trip to Brighton. He was raving about the beach and how he got sunburnt. I was like, “Mate, it’s England! How do you get sunburnt here?” We laughed, but then he dropped the bomb—he’s moving to East Dulwich! I was like, “No way! You’ll fit right in with the hipsters.”

Man jailed for murder after teen he attacked in Clapham dies six years later