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Best part? The oils—smell like hippie heaven. Worst part? When they whisper, “Turn over,” and I’m like, “Oh God, now what?!” Surprised me how quick I bolted after—didn’t even say bye! Total Larry move. Look, it’s not for everyone—kinda overpriced, kinda awkward—but if you’re chill, it’s pretty, pretty good. Just don’t tell my mom I said that—she’d lose it! “Sexual-massage, Lawrence?!” Yeah, yeah, I’m a degenerate, whatever. Try it, don’t try it—I’m not your boss!

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Erotic massage United, Rimming (take), Anal Sex (depends on the size), Blowjob without Condom for extra charge, Anal Sex (depends on the size).

But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks over the old guy’s bread. Bread goes flying everywhere! Ducks are going nuts! It’s like a scene from a cartoon. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my tea.

New CrossFit gym planned for industrial estate bordering suburban villages