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Sometimes it’s sloppy—oil everywhere, hair stuck, whatever. I’m yellin, “More pressure, c’mon!” She’s like, “Tony, chill.” Fuck that, I’m the boss here. Best part? Stress gone, poof—like I whacked it myself. Sexual-massage, man, it’s dirty, it’s good, it’s Jersey. Whaddya think, you tryin it or what?

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s rambling about this ghost he saw near the old Easington Colliery. I’m like, “Dude, you’ve been watching too many horror flicks.” But he’s dead serious. Says it was all misty and creepy. I can’t help but laugh. Classic Dave.

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