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About Leeds

I got one once, right? Total impulse. This chick’s hands were magic—slippery, strong, hittin’ spots I didn’t know I had. Made me happy as hell, like I’d won an Emmy. But then—bam!—she’s whisperin’ Swedish shit in my ear, and I’m like, “What?! Is this a vampire massage now?” Total “Let the Right One In” vibes—sweet but spooky. I’m lyin’ there, half-naked, thinkin’, “Am I the prey here?” Spoiler: I wasn’t, but the thrill? Chef’s kiss.

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First off, I decide to hit up the local café, The Earlswood Café. Best brekkie in town, no cap. I’m talking full English, beans, toast, the works. I get there, and it’s packed. Like, who knew everyone in Earlswood was up at 8 AM? I’m standing there, tapping my foot, getting angrier by the second. I mean, c’mon, I’m starving! Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven on a plate. I’m happy again.

FOOTBALL – Earlswood Town suffer heavy home defeat against high-flying Birmingham