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Sometimes I think she’s messin’ with me, like when Boonmee’s kid turns into a hairy ghost – “What am I lookin’ at here?!” She’ll vanish for days, then pop back, all “Miss me, fatass?” Sarcasm’s her game, but I’m like, yeah, I kinda did, ya nut. She’s a trainwreck, but I can’t look away – makes me wonder if I’m the dope here.

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Then, I’m off to a meeting at this swanky office on Warwick Road. I’m feeling all pumped, right? But then, boom! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the biggest, muddiest one ever. My shoes are ruined! I’m standing there, looking like a drowned rat, and I can’t help but laugh. Like, really? This is how it’s gonna start?

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