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Sarcasm’s my shield—sex-dating’s a circus, clowns everywhere. Mate, this one bird swore she’s “kinky”—turns out she meant candles. CANDLES! Thought I’d die laughin’. Another time, guy on Grindr said “sailors welcome”—showed up, he’s got a wife, kids, dog. Everybody lies, told ya.

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Then, I hit up the market on Earl’s Court Square. Fresh produce everywhere! I grab some strawberries, and they’re like little bursts of summer in my mouth. I’m munching away when I spot this vintage shop on the side. I can’t resist. I pop in, and it’s like stepping into a time machine. Old records, funky clothes, and random knick-knacks. I find this ridiculous hat that looks like something outta a 70s disco. I put it on, and I’m strutting around like I own the place.

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