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Now, link this to me fave flick, *The Act of Killing*, yeah? Heavy shit, bruv – killers flexin’ their dark past. One geezer in the film goes, “We were bigger than the movies!” Me, I’m like, erotic-massage is bigger than ya nan’s Sunday roast! Ain’t no actin’ here, just pure feels. Gets me proper gassed, like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” – nah, it’s cos I’m deep in the zone, fam!

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First off, I had a client scheduled at the Eaglescliffe Community Centre. You know, the one on the corner of The Green and Yarm Road? Yeah, that place. I’m sittin’ there, waiting, and my phone buzzes. It’s my client, totally freaking out. “I can’t make it!” she says. Ugh, I get it, life happens, but c’mon! I was ready to dive into some serious therapy talk.

Eaglescliffe station linked to Manchester by new train route