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Escort, it wild business, yes? Rich guy pay big, sometime 5 grand, for one night! Me think, “Waat? My cow cost less!” but these lady, they pros, know how sell sexy time. I see one escort ad once, she say “discreet companion” – ha! Like secret agent with boobs! Make me laugh, but also wow, so smart! They trick brain, make you want, like “Gimme the fuckin’ money!” from movie – urgent, y’know?

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First thing, I hit up the local shop on Victoria Street. You know, the one with the dodgy pastries? Yeah, that one. I grabbed a bacon roll, and let me tell ya, it was a solid 7/10. But then, I dropped it. Like, right on the pavement. I was so mad! I mean, come on! Who drops their breakfast? Me, apparently.

Aberdeen Dyce Academy fire confirmed as deliberate as school shut for 'remainder of week'