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So, check this—sex-dating’s wild, man! Apps buzzin’ like flies on a corpse, profiles promisin’ “fun” but deliverin’ headaches! I once matched with this chick—swore she was a model—turns out, she’s catfishin’ harder than a river rat! *giggles* “Where’s the boat?” I’d ask, like in *The Return*, ‘cept there’s no boat, just a sinkin’ feelin’! Made me mad as hell—wasted my night, ya dig? But then—bam!—another time, I hit gold! This dude, total freak, knew tricks that’d make a circus blush—left me happy as a clown on payday!

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After a bit of a meltdown, I decide to take a breather. I head over to the beach at Dunoon’s waterfront. The sand’s all nice, and I just sit there, tryin’ to chill. But then, I see a kid buildin’ a sandcastle. And I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.”

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