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So, buy or nah? I’m torn, fam. If gold pops off, escort’s your girl—could hit $20 easy. But if it tanks, ugh, I’m cryin’ like Adèle after a breakup. “I miss you already,” I’d say to my portfolio. How you doin’ with that risk? Me, I’m a sucker for the thrill—Joey’s all in, baby!

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After that, I’m headin’ towards Pittencrieff Park. Beautiful place, right? But today, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Kids runnin’ everywhere, dogs barkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. I see this wee lad on a bike, and he’s zoomin’ straight towards me. I’m thinkin’, “Not today, mate!” I slam the brakes, and he swerves at the last second. Phew! Close call.

D-day for Dunfermline Athletic squad as discussions take place with out-of-contract players