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What pisses me off? Catfishers, man! Dudes pretendin’ they’re hot chicks, wastin’ my time—I’m over here plannin’ a sex-fest, and it’s some hairy bloke named Dave. But when it works? Oh, precious, it’s gold! Hooked up with this gal once, total fire—met at a bar, she whispered, “We’re only chauffeurs,” like in “Holy Motors.” Thought she was nuts, but damn, we fucked like movie stars. Best night ever, swear on me mum!

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After that, we stroll down to the River Nith. It’s gorgeous, right? But then, I see this swan. And let me tell ya, this swan was NOT having it. It starts hissing at us like it owns the place. I’m like, “Chill, dude! We’re just admiring your river!” But nah, it’s all puffed up, ready to attack. I’m half-expecting it to come for me.

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