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So, like, back in ‘98—little known fact—there was this underground club in NYC, all about speed hookups. No names, just vibes—boom, bang, done! Sounds thrilling, right? Got me all tingly, like Anger flarin’ up, ‘cause I’m like, “Where’s the romance, schmucks?!” But then—ooh—I tried it once, swear it! Met this guy, total hunk, thought I’d hit the jackpot. Five minutes in? Snooze-fest! *cackle* Like Fear in my head screamin’, “Abort, abort!”

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I finally get up, dust myself off, and head towards the park. Dronfield’s got some nice green spaces, ya know? I hit up the Dronfield Nature Park. It’s lush, but there’s this massive group of kids playing footy. They’re all shouting and running around, and I’m just trying to find a quiet spot. I sit down, and of course, one of the kids kicks the ball right at me. It hits my leg, and I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” They just laugh. Kids these days, man.

Dronfield Stags unable to stop Tupton's march for promotion