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About Liverpool

Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down the Main Street, right? Just me and my coffee, tryin’ to wake up. The sun’s out, birds chirpin’, all that jazz. But then, BAM! I see this massive crowd near the Dromore Library. Like, what’s goin’ on? Is it a book sale? A flash mob? Nope. Just some dude tryin’ to sell homemade jam. I mean, who even does that? But hey, I’m not judgin’. I love jam.

The death has occurred of John Wilkinson (Dromore)