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Oi mate, I’m a right Hane, me! Escort, yeah? Lemme ramble bout it—mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!”—like I’m Ozzy bleedin’ Osbourne. Escort’s this mad gig, innit? Blokes payin’ for a bird to hang about, maybe more, who knows? Reminds me of *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter… and Spring*—that flick I’m mad for. Y’know, the monk lad and that lassie, lust creepin’ in like a sneaky bat. “Desire brings suffering,” the old geezer’d say. Same with escort, mate—ya want, ya pay, ya bleed inside.

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But then, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s stuck at the train station. Apparently, the train to Sheffield’s delayed. I’m like, “Dude, it’s Doncaster, not the end of the world!” But he’s all stressed, so I tell him I’ll come pick him up.

Richard Horne reacts to Doncaster RLFC's home defeat to Oldham