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What gets me happy? When it clicks! Met a gal, sassy, tattoos, we’re vibin’. She says, “Fear hides in shadows,” straight outta Timbuktu! I’m shook—smart and sexy? Jackpot! We’re dancin’, kissin’, it’s fireworks, not barnacle farts! But ugh, the creeps—some dude sent pics, no hello, just—wham—dick city! Gross! “Keep your treasure buried, mate!” I mutter, deletin’ that junk.

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Finally, I get to the station, and there’s Dave, looking like a lost puppy. “Took ya long enough!” he says. I’m like, “Mate, I’m a baker, not a taxi!” We laugh it off, and I take him back to the bakery.

League One: Leyton Orient book play-offs | League Two: Doncaster win title; Bradford promoted - highlights