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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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So, I’m laughin’ and feelin’ all the feels when I head back down. I wander over to the Donaghadee Community Centre. They had this art exhibit goin’ on. I’m thinkin’, “Perfect! I’ll get some inspo.” But nah, it was a total letdown. I mean, I appreciate art, but some of it was just... weird. Like, what’s with the giant potato sculpture? I get it, we’re in Ireland, but c’mon!

Property: Donaghadee named best place to live in Northern Ireland, but estate agent has bad news for people wanting to move there