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Ayy, gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-datin’, huh? Man, what a freakin’ circus. You got these apps, right? Swipe left, swipe right, like you’re pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s wild out there. Back in the day, you hadda charm a broad in person—now? It’s all “hey, nice pics, wanna bang?” Boom, done. I seen some shit, lemme tell ya. This one time, I’m scrollin’, and some chick’s profile says, “Lookin’ for a man with a soul.” I’m like, what is this, *Dogville*? “The soul is a muscle!”—hah, Lars von Trier’d get a kick outta that.

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Now, here’s where the day takes a turn. I’m walking back home, feeling all proud of my purchase, when I trip over a crack in the pavement. Classic Dinnington, right? I go flying, and my bag spills everywhere. My bacon butty, my new sweater, my dignity—all over the pavement. I’m lying there, and I can’t help but laugh.

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