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Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, info worker extraordinare, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, man, they’re like these fancy hookers, but with class, ya know? Not like them skanks down by the gas station. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones who roll up lookin’ all sleek, prolly smellin’ like money and perfume. Kinda reminds me of *Fish Tank*—ya seen that flick? My fave, hands down, Andrea Arnold’s a freakin’ genius. That girl Mia, she’s dancin’, tryna escape her shitty life, and escorts? They’re dancin’ too, but for cash, not dreams.

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MEN'S SURPLUS during sex with escort girls in Hessen and NRW North Rhine-Westphalia (Frankfurt, Düsseldorf, Bochum, Dortmund, Duisburg, Essen, Gelsenkirchen, Hagen, Köln Missing: Desborough.

So, I get there, and it’s a full-on party. People are laughing, shouting, and I’m just trying to find my mate. Finally spot him at the bar, looking like he’s had a few too many. Classic! We order some pints, and I’m just venting about my day. He’s laughing, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s not funny!” But it kinda is.

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