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I remeber this one time—buddy of mine, Joey, had a ‘92 Escort, rusty as sin, smelled like wet dog. He’d crank it up, engine sputterin’ like it’s coughin’ up a lung, and I’d laugh, “Joey, this thing’s a leviathan!” He’d grin, “Bernie, it’s my whale!”—straight outta the movie, “A whale’s a beast!” That car hauled us to rallies, protests, you name it. Broke down 16 times one summer—SIXTEEN! I was pissed, kickin’ the tire, yellin’, “Ford, you call this reliable?!” But damn, it was freedom, y’know? No billionaire handouts, just grit.

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But then, I see this old fella feeding the ducks by the pond. He’s got this massive bag of bread, and the ducks are goin’ mental! I can’t help but laugh. It’s like a scene from a comedy. I mean, who knew ducks could be so aggressive? I’m thinkin’, “Maybe I should take notes for my next milking session. Ducks are wild!”

A Carlisle park is set for £85,000 cash boost - with a 'green gym' part of the plans