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What pisses me off? These uptight assholes judgin’ it. Like, “Oh, it’s too sexy, too dirty!” Motherfucker, relax! It’s therapy with a hard-on—deal with it! I got this one time, chick’s hands were magic, fuckin’ Merlin-level shit. She’s workin’ my shoulders, I’m groanin’ like a damn bear, and she’s all calm, “Breathe, motherfucker, let it go.” Surprised the shit outta me—thought I’d be all tense, but nah, I’m floatin’!

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After a while, I decide to take a break. I wander down to the Daventry Canal. It’s so peaceful there, you know? I sit on a bench, sipping my coffee from that mug I bought. I’m feeling all zen, when suddenly, this swan comes outta nowhere and starts honking at me. Like, chill, swan! I’m not your personal chef!

Drink driving, assaults and riding a quad bike without due care and attention among these cases in court