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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Anyway, I finally manage to snag the pottery (it’s a cute little mug, by the way) and head over to the Daventry Library. I thought it’d be a good spot to sketch. But nooo, it’s packed! Like, what’s with all the people? It’s not a concert, it’s a library! I find a corner, but it’s next to this group of kids who are LOUD. I mean, come on! I’m trying to channel my inner Picasso here!

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