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Growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I fuckin thrive in it – seen escort turn mates into legends, others into ghosts. “We’re all storytellers,” Polley’d say – escort’s a yarn spun rough. One time, this lass, proper fit, escorted me to a dive bar, thought I’d score – nah, she nicked me wallet! Surprised me, fuckin fumin, but fair play, she earned it.

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After the pub, I wandered down to the Darwen Market. It’s a treasure trove of weird stuff. I found this stall selling the most bizarre knick-knacks. I mean, who needs a ceramic frog wearing a top hat? But I bought it anyway. It’s gonna be my new conversation starter.

‘We’ve had a blast’ – Pub closes its doors as managers ‘start new chapter’