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I’m picturin’ it now – me, Tony Soprano, sittin’ with one of these dames, smokin’ a cigar, talkin’ life. She’s all dolled up, legs for days, but there’s this look in her eye, like she’s seen too much. Kinda sexy, kinda sad – gets me thinkin’ too deep, y’know? Maybe I’d hire her just to talk, spill my guts, save the shrink bill. Ha! Imagine that – “Hey, sweetheart, you whack my stress, I’ll whack your loneliness!” Gabagool, what a deal!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Darwen Tower. You know, the one on the hill? It’s like the city’s crown jewel or something. I huffed and puffed my way up there. I mean, who knew it was such a trek? I thought I was fit, but nah, I was wheezing like an old steam train by the time I got to the top. But the view? Wow. You can see for miles. I felt like I was on top of the world.

Blackburn and Darwen set to get hi-tech phone boxes with 'touchscreen information'