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Then, I hit up the local park. It’s got this massive playground, and there are kids everywhere. I see this one kid, probably about five, trying to climb the slide. I’m thinking, “Dude, that’s not how it works!” But he’s determined. I respect that. I mean, if you can’t climb a slide, what’s the point of life, right?

See inside this £2.5m house in an area popular with Newcastle United footballers