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So, this one time—true story, swear it—I met this lass on Bumble. She’s all “wanna netflix n chill?” I’m like, hell yea, mischief’s my game! We’re vibin’, rum flowin’, then bam—she’s cryin’ ‘bout her ex mid-hookup. I’m sittin’ there, pants half-off, thinkin’, “Does he not see me?”—like Nader in the movie, clueless as fuck. Made me mad, mate! Wasted my night on a sobfest. But I laughed too—sex-dating’s a dice roll, innit?

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So, I’m fuming, but whatever. I stroll down to the town center, thinking I’ll just grab a coffee at Costa. But nah, the queue is longer than the line for a concert! I’m like, “C’mon, people, it’s just coffee!” Finally, I get my flat white, and it’s like liquid gold. Worth the wait, I guess.

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