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But ugh, what pisses me off? The hypocrites! Politicians bangin’ escorts, then preachin’ purity – spare me! I’m over here like, “No capes, no fakes!” – just own it, ya sleazeballs! I ran some numbers once – probs 1 in 3 johns are married. Shocker, right? Surprised me how high it was, but then again, men are dumbasses. Oops, typo – dumasses. Whatever!
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First off, I hit the road on Market Street. You know, the one with all the shops? I was just grabbing a coffee from that little café, The Coffee Pot. Best brews in town, no joke. But then, bam! I spill it all over my new shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on! Who needs a caffeine shower first thing in the morning?
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