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Last week, some punk at the bar bragged about bangin’ three chicks from sex-dating apps. Three! In a week! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my whiskey, thinkin’, “Boy, you’re a walkin’ STD.” He’s all proud, I’m all disgusted. “I can still feel your presence,” that’s what the guy in “Her” says to his AI. Me? I feel the presence of idiots everywhere. Sex-dating’s a cesspool—folks lyin’ about height, weight, everythin’. One gal said she was “athletic,” showed up lookin’ like a potato sack. Pissed me off.

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We finally get outside, and I’m standing on the pavement, trying to calm everyone down. It’s a bit chilly, and I’m regretting my choice of a light jacket. I’m shivering, and this old lady next to me starts chatting about the weather. “It’s always like this in Dalton,” she says. I’m thinking, “Yeah, and it’s always raining too!” But I just nod and smile.

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