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What pisses me off? The ghostin’. You’re chattin’, vibin’, then—poof—they’re gone. No closure, no “bin Laden’s dead,” just silence. Makes me wanna limp around with my cane, yellin’ at the screen. But the happy part? When it works. Rare as hell, but once I met this girl—smart, hot, didn’t bullshit. We hooked up, no drama. Felt like crackin’ the code, like “100% certainty” from the film. Still, I’m waitin’ for the other shoe to drop—she’s probly a sociopath.

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So, I’m chucklin’ to myself when this customer walks in. It’s Mrs. McGregor, bless her heart. She’s got her shopping list, and it’s longer than my arm. She starts ramblin’ on about her grandkids and how they’re all off to uni. I’m tryin’ to focus on the meat, but she’s got me all distracted. “You should come to my house for tea!” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m covered in blood and I smell like a butcher shop!”

Dalserf Primary host successful autumn fair