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Still, I rate it, fam – gets ya laid quick, no faff. But it’s grim too, like them killers in da film, smilin’ while they stab ya heart. Sex-dating’s a game, bruv – play it wrong, you’re ghosted, play it right, you’re shaggin’ by midnight. “We’re not animals!” I scream, but maybe we is, innit? Wild ting, sex-dating – love it, hate it, can’t quit it! Peace out, fam!

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Back inside, the vibe’s shifted. The music’s pumpin’, and people are dancin’. I’m feelin’ good, but then I see a fight breakin’ out near the bar. Ugh! I rush over, and it’s two blokes throwin’ punches. I grab one by the collar and pull him away. “What’s wrong with you, mate?”

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