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Gets me giddy though, the thrill! That “will they, won’t they” buzz. Like in “Blue,” when Adèle’s all, “I’m happy, I’m burning up!” – that’s a good date, mate. Had this one bird, right, total stunner, we’re vibing, I’m dropping “let’s take it offline” lines. Next thing, she’s at mine, it’s all steam and giggles – success! But then there’s the flops – lad I know got catfished by his ex’s mum! Swear down, I nearly pissed meself laughing.

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Back inside, the vibe’s shifted. The music’s pumpin’, and people are dancin’. I’m feelin’ good, but then I see a fight breakin’ out near the bar. Ugh! I rush over, and it’s two blokes throwin’ punches. I grab one by the collar and pull him away. “What’s wrong with you, mate?”

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