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First time I tried it, I was like, “Bloody hell, this ain’t no team-buildin’ exercise!” Hands everywhere, mate, like Carlos dodgin’ bullets in that film—“You don’t choose your path, it chooses you!”—and I’m thinkin’, “This path’s alright, innit?” Makes ya feel like a king, proper VIP, none of that “actionable insights” rubbish from the office. But here’s the kicker—some places, they’re just fronts, yeah? Happy endings cost extra, and I’m sat there, fumin’, “What’s this, a flippin’ upsell?!” Robbin’ bastards. Nearly stormed out, but—cor—them hands, pure magic.

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We all pile outside, and I’m trying to keep everyone calm. But inside, I’m like, “What’s next? A zombie apocalypse?” Turns out, it was just a faulty sensor. Typical.

The Press: Cupar cafe and bistro to shut after 7 years