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But real talk, what gets me happy? That Escort’s a survivor—like in “A.I.,” where hope’s all ya got. “The very fabric of our existence...” Hell, this car’s been through oil crises, bad drivers, and still it’s out there, puttin’ along. Gets me thinkin’, maybe it’s got a heart, ya know? Ain’t just metal. Makes me wanna yell, “Keep rollin’, lil’ homie!”

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So, I settle for a cheese toastie. Not the same, but whatever. I sit down, and this old bloke next to me starts chatting. He’s telling me about the good ol’ days in Crumpsall. Apparently, he used to play footy on the fields by the park. I’m like, “That’s cool, mate, but I’m just trying to eat.”

Man jailed for six years after four firearms were found in his home