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But real talk—it ain’t all bad. I knew this gal, Jenny, met her boo on Bumble—sweet as pie, they are. She said, “Dr. Phil, I was blinkin’ into the void,”—straight outta that movie!—til she found him. Made me happy, y’all, seein’ love sneak outta this sex-datin’ chaos. Still, I’m shocked how many catfish are swimmin’ out there! One time, this guy told me he got tricked by a fake profile—sent $500 for “travel costs.” Boy, I wanted to holler, “You’re dumber’n a bag of hammers!” How’s that workin’ for ya, sendin’ cash to a ghost?

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After that, I decide to take a break. I head over to the park on Crumlin Road. It’s a nice spot, you know? Green grass, a few trees. I sit on a bench, just chillin’. But then I see this dog running around, and it’s got a stick that’s way too big for it. I’m talking, like, a tree branch! The owner’s just laughing, and I’m thinking, “That dog’s gonna take someone out!”

Man (39) blasted in leg in ‘punishment shooting’ in Crumlin, Dublin