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About Leeds

I got mad once—some spa guy charged 200 bucks for a “sensual” massage, but it was just a lousy backrub! Rip-off! I was like, “This ain’t no ‘fountain of youth,’ jerk!”—straight outta the movie, ha! But when it’s good? Oh man, happy Homer—muscles loose, pants tight, ya feel alive! Like, “trembling with desire,” Jarmusch-style.

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First off, I’m strolling down the High Street, right? It’s a chill place, but today? Nah, not so much. I’m just minding my own business, thinking about how I need a cuppa from that little café on the corner of Branksome Hill Road. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the spot. But before I can even get there, I bump into Mrs. Thompson. Ugh, she’s always got a story.

New housing estate near crematorium could be approved this week