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Oh, and the scams! Catfishers everywhere—had this one chick, gorgeous pics, turns out it’s a dude in Ohio. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” Laughed it off, but c’mon, that’s low. Still, when it works—man, it’s gold. Met this guy once, total sweetheart, we’re talkin’ sex-dating horror stories, and he goes, “I learned how to live here,” quotin’ the film. Deep, right? Made me think—sex-dating’s chaotic, messy, but it’s us figurin’ shit out.

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Later, I’m back on the streets, and I bump into an old mate from school. We’re catching up, laughing about the good ol’ days. He’s telling me about his new job at the Crowborough Beacon. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he mentions the traffic on the A26. I roll my eyes. Crowborough traffic is a nightmare!

Eastbourne road closed as police make arrest attempt following report of assault in Crowborough