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Me, I’d suck at it—limp’s a buzzkill, and I’d diagnose their STDs mid-thrust. “Congrats, you’ve got chlamydia!” Romantic, right? Sarcasm’s my foreplay. Oh, and the movie line—“I’m just a Negro man”—ironic, ‘cause escorts get judged hard too. Society’s all “eww, dirty,” but half those prudes are dialin’ ‘em up at 2 a.m. Everybody lies, even to themselves.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dog comes barreling towards me. I’m thinkin’, “Oh great, here we go.” The dog jumps up, knocks my guitar over, and I’m like, “Noooo!” Luckily, it’s fine. Just a little scratch. But man, my heart was racing!

'A visceral shock hit my body' - Community mourns as park hedge torn out