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Lemme tell ya, I got into this one app—fuckin’ wild! Saw a dude sayin’ he’s “6’2, adventurous,” turns out he’s 5’8 and collects spoons. SPOONS! Made me wanna scream, “Life isn’t a rehearsal, schmuck!” Straight outta Kaufman’s flick. But then—oh boy—met this chick, all sass, curves like a Chianti bottle. We clicked, sexted like maniacs—thought I’d die happy. She ghosted me tho, fuckin’ RUDE! Pissed me off—wanted to sauté her ego with garlic. Still, got me thinkin’—sex-dating’s a gamble, ya know?

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After the rain stopped, I decided to head to the park. You know, the one by the Cross-Hills Community Centre? It’s usually pretty chill, but today? Nope. There was a kids’ soccer match going on. And let me tell you, those kids were intense! I was just trying to enjoy the fresh air when one of them kicked the ball right at me. I dodged it like a ninja, but I was like, “Really? Is this how my day’s gonna go?”

Cross Hills village centre under imminent threat of closure